Court-Ordered Homebody — T-Shirt
type: Product
description: Some people stay in because they love streaming, scented candles, and cozy blankets. You stay in because a municipal judge determined you are a severe flight risk with a penchant for grand larceny. Either way, domestic bliss is no longer a lifestyle choice—it is a legally binding mandate.Meet your new best friend: three pounds of tamper-proof, state-issued plastic that literally refuses to leave your side. It gently buzzes when you think about crossing county lines and rigorously enforces your evening curfew. Who needs a clingy partner when the justice system cares this much about your exact GPS coordinates? Not a pedometer, so stop asking how many steps you took pacing the living room. Water-resistant up to the exact limit of your probation officer's patience. Vibrates aggressively when exposed to airports, liquor stores, or international waters.
brand: Printify
sku: 26234538155847521316
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  value: S, M, L, XL, 2XL
additional property: Color
  type: PropertyValue
  value: Black, Navy, White
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  item: https://productregistry.org/merchant/weirdcastle.com
item list element: Court-Ordered Homebody — T-Shirt
  type: ListItem
  position: 3
  item: https://productregistry.org/product/ynmaMD8J