Eating For Two Tapeworm — Hoodie

You have that special glow. You are ravenously hungry. You are expanding by the day. But there is no miracle of life happening in there—just a fourteen-foot flatworm you picked up from eating discount gas station pork. Finally, a maternity announcement for the unapologetic dirtbag.Why diet when you can just outsource your caloric intake to a grotesque intestinal roommate? It eats the garbage you crave, and in return, you get to demand a seat on the subway. Wear it to a baby shower and violently insist they buy something off your registry for your beautiful, nutrient-leeching boy. The Fine Print: Ultrasound confirms it is a boy (and also a hermaphrodite) Cravings include: raw meat, loose soil, and drywall Cheaper than a wellness retreat, twice as visceral Please do not deworm the mother-to-be