1982 Knit Jersey

You are a Gallic hero with tired legs staring out from your modernist home with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the Bernese Alps and you're on a cream-coloured phone on a really long, curly wire. "Come back," the voice says, Frenchly, "for one last tournoi… We need you." Or: wear it to the Old Nun's Head and fret about whether to put this Guinness into MyFitnessPal or have it as your "secret treat". Your shout.