Sol Cap Red

You are either a) a goalkeeper forced to question their life choices as you attempt to save a shot while getting blinded by the rays of a massive sphere of molten plasma, heated to incandescence by the nuclear fusion exploding in its core, or b) off to MagCulture to buy the latest issue of Popeye, and your hair isn't going quite right but you still want to impress Jeremy, the shop's notoriously discerning owner. What's it gonna be?